1.20.19~Just An Encouraging Word
I have struggled with the fear of rejection for a long time, as have most teenage girls, but sometimes it hits you in the face hard. I often don't realize that I am scared of being rejected or judged, until it stops me from doing something. Today was one of those days that it smacked me.
I've been pretty overwhelmed with some stuff going on in my life lately, and often times I tend to just push all the emotions down inside of me and bottle it up, because it seems like the "big girl" thing to do. Yet, never do I consider that it all has to be released at some point. The bottle becomes full eventually no matter how far and how hard you push it down.
In my house, we all hate taking out the trash haha! The dumpster is literally one hundred feet away, but currently it is cold out and no one wants the job of taking it out, so we tend to push it as far down in the can as we can and fit as much in there as possible before someone has to deal with the burden of taking it out.
The same thing can be said for how we bottle up our emotions. We tend to want to be "strong," or at least look strong, so we shove all the feelings of being overwhelmed or upset deep down inside. We say, "I'll come back around to it later and let it out," yet we never do. I have found myself doing that a lot over the last few months and it has come back to cause more problems than I originally started with.
Over the past few months, my life to seemed to just continuously be full of stress and worry. I've been worried about my mom, (even when she says I shouldn't but I do), and my grandmother has been facing some problems, and I've been battling some things personally. Nothing seemed to be working how I had wanted it to. Now, I know that life doesn't typically go how you want it to, but this seemed to be excessive. I knew that God had been trying to get a hold of me and try to fix everything I was dealing with, but I wasn't quite ready to let Him. I didn't realize it until today, but I had kind of said, "God, you can't fix this. It's too much. You haven't fixed it until now, so why do I need to let You try now?" Ummmm...wow okay.
Well, I guess God got tired of asking me to give it to Him, and He just took control. Sometimes, that's what we need Him to do and we don't even know it. So as I got to church this morning and had overwhelming questions about my mom and my new job, I got extremely anxious, very quick. Now, if you know me, you know that I hate having anxiety in front of people and I do not say anything about it when it happens. Yet, some people who know me well, could tell. I continue to go about my Sunday morning routine at church and get into the worship service to find that our message this morning was called, "An Encouraging Word." I hadn't told anyone who anxious I had been or how overwhelmed I had gotten this week, but Jesus knew. The message was a really good one, but I just couldn't push the Holy Spirit down any further or any longer and began to cry. For those of you who know me, you know I don't like to cry in front of people either. Especially not as many people as there was in the congregation!!
This is where the fear of rejection and judgement circles back around. I've always been intimidated by going up front. I'm not gonna lie, more than once, I have purposely ignored the Holy Spirit just so I didn't have to go down to the altar. Today just happened to be the day that I couldn't handle it anymore. I walked straight down the main aisle and knelt down at the altar and just began to cry. I needed to know that God had peace for me on the other side of this mountain. But never had I thought so hard, about how scared of what people thought of me, I was. Today, God had given me the courage and a heavy enough heart to put that beside me for a few minutes, but will that always be the case? I don't know.
It's all part of the journey. Just know that whatever mountain you're climbing or carrying right now, is one that can be laid down. There's peace on the other side of that mountain. There are brothers and sisters in Christ who will walk alongside you through it. Just ask. I'm not gonna tell you that I have total peace about everything right now, because I honestly don't, but I know that God's got me right now. No matter the outcome of the situations I am facing, He is holding my heart. Just an encouraging word.
love always,
Iz💛💛
I've been pretty overwhelmed with some stuff going on in my life lately, and often times I tend to just push all the emotions down inside of me and bottle it up, because it seems like the "big girl" thing to do. Yet, never do I consider that it all has to be released at some point. The bottle becomes full eventually no matter how far and how hard you push it down.
In my house, we all hate taking out the trash haha! The dumpster is literally one hundred feet away, but currently it is cold out and no one wants the job of taking it out, so we tend to push it as far down in the can as we can and fit as much in there as possible before someone has to deal with the burden of taking it out.
The same thing can be said for how we bottle up our emotions. We tend to want to be "strong," or at least look strong, so we shove all the feelings of being overwhelmed or upset deep down inside. We say, "I'll come back around to it later and let it out," yet we never do. I have found myself doing that a lot over the last few months and it has come back to cause more problems than I originally started with.
Over the past few months, my life to seemed to just continuously be full of stress and worry. I've been worried about my mom, (even when she says I shouldn't but I do), and my grandmother has been facing some problems, and I've been battling some things personally. Nothing seemed to be working how I had wanted it to. Now, I know that life doesn't typically go how you want it to, but this seemed to be excessive. I knew that God had been trying to get a hold of me and try to fix everything I was dealing with, but I wasn't quite ready to let Him. I didn't realize it until today, but I had kind of said, "God, you can't fix this. It's too much. You haven't fixed it until now, so why do I need to let You try now?" Ummmm...wow okay.
Well, I guess God got tired of asking me to give it to Him, and He just took control. Sometimes, that's what we need Him to do and we don't even know it. So as I got to church this morning and had overwhelming questions about my mom and my new job, I got extremely anxious, very quick. Now, if you know me, you know that I hate having anxiety in front of people and I do not say anything about it when it happens. Yet, some people who know me well, could tell. I continue to go about my Sunday morning routine at church and get into the worship service to find that our message this morning was called, "An Encouraging Word." I hadn't told anyone who anxious I had been or how overwhelmed I had gotten this week, but Jesus knew. The message was a really good one, but I just couldn't push the Holy Spirit down any further or any longer and began to cry. For those of you who know me, you know I don't like to cry in front of people either. Especially not as many people as there was in the congregation!!
This is where the fear of rejection and judgement circles back around. I've always been intimidated by going up front. I'm not gonna lie, more than once, I have purposely ignored the Holy Spirit just so I didn't have to go down to the altar. Today just happened to be the day that I couldn't handle it anymore. I walked straight down the main aisle and knelt down at the altar and just began to cry. I needed to know that God had peace for me on the other side of this mountain. But never had I thought so hard, about how scared of what people thought of me, I was. Today, God had given me the courage and a heavy enough heart to put that beside me for a few minutes, but will that always be the case? I don't know.
It's all part of the journey. Just know that whatever mountain you're climbing or carrying right now, is one that can be laid down. There's peace on the other side of that mountain. There are brothers and sisters in Christ who will walk alongside you through it. Just ask. I'm not gonna tell you that I have total peace about everything right now, because I honestly don't, but I know that God's got me right now. No matter the outcome of the situations I am facing, He is holding my heart. Just an encouraging word.
love always,
Iz💛💛
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