12:8:18~The Me That You Don't Normally See...
We all face battles that no one else sees. Whether it simply be the battle of just wanting to sleep in instead of going to church, or the battle between joy and depression. I don't know what your battles are, but I do know that you're not alone. I know you've probably heard that a thousand times. But when I say it this time, I say it with a slightly different perspective than I've ever considered it before. First, you're not alone because the God you serve walks beside you and never leaves you on your own. Second, you're not alone because there is at least one other person who has struggled with that before, who is struggling with it now, and who will struggle with it in the future. But lastly, and to me the most important, we're all fighting at least one fight that no one else knows about. They may never have imagined you fighting it, but I've learned in almost 17 years, that when you open up about that battle, is when you not only help others and encourage them, but you find freedom. It's not a normal type of freedom either. The freedom you find when you open up about your silent battle and lay it at the foot of the cross, is a burden-lifting, chain-breaking, overwhelming freedom.
So today, I am here to open up about one of my biggest silent battles. You may know about, and you may not, but I just wanna share this part of my story.
When I was 9 years old, I was officially diagnosed with panic disorder/anxiety disorder, whatever you wanna call it. Unknowingly, I had struggled with it on and off for a while, but was somewhat relieved to figure out why I was freaking out all the time. But unfortunately, my nine-year-old self overthought it. So I began to let my anxiety become my identity.
Fast forward almost 8 years, and anxiety is still one of my biggest struggles to this day. Somedays the fear and unknowns of the week or even just that day, grab ahold of me and don't let go. But I saw a post the other day from Joel Nobis...for those of you who may not know who he is, he is a social media influencer/blogger/speaker...and he simply talked about how we know that fear is a liar but we still tend to fall into the trap of it. Joel was talking about being tired. Tired of falling into that trap, tired of feeling discouraged when fear takes the place of faith, and being tired of the junk that comes with anxiety. Well that got my brain rolling. I texted my best friend and told him about it and then decided to discuss it with my mom. I could not stop thinking about it over the next couple of days. It was almost like Jesus purposely left it on my brain so I could ponder exactly what I needed to get from it.
So a few days later, I found myself falling into that trap once again. I was preparing to go to a football game and see my best friend and his family. I hadn't slept much the night before so that didn't help but all of a sudden the fear and anxiety of everything...aka: absolutely nothing...had grabbed me and I wasn't escaping. So like any secret battle, I tried to hide and keep it low key. Until, I could not do anything but just release the emotions and cry. I was so discouraged after recovering from that. Simply because I had fallen into the trap of fear and let it consume me.
I think as young christians, or as students in general, we struggle so much with anxiety over all types of things and we refuse to talk about it because we're afraid of what adults will think or what our friends will think. Well the good news is, I know a lot of adults that struggle just as bad as I do, or worse. Same with my friends.
This post is somewhat all over the place and I apologize for that, but I just wanted to get my thoughts out there and let you know that I am not perfect. This is just one of the many silent battles I fight.
I have days where I wake up instantly consumed by fear and anxiety and it is a struggle to get out of bed. I have days where I physically make myself sick from worrying about things that I can't control. But I also have days that I couldn't be happier with who I am and who I am becoming. Days where I just wanna have a big dance party and celebrate! And the joy of the good days outweighs the hard and fearful ones! I am so thankful for a God who gives peace in an instant. So, if you have days that are hard and you're scared and you just need to cry, do it. But don't forget to rest in the promise that the Father has already numbered your days, mapped out your course, and lavished His love on you.
So, I choose to talk about it. People can't be helped or help you if they don't know. Please, please, please know that I am always here and willing to share and help.
I think I'm done rambling now haha. :) but this is the side of me that a lot of people don't typically see. I try to be happy and smiley, but sometimes people need someone more real and raw than happy and fake.
So thank you for reading my thoughts on anxiety and fear. This probably won't be the last post on it because God constantly shows me how faithful He is and how I can trust Him more and more. As He reveals Himself to me, I'll share that journey with you! He is the great I AM, not the great I was. Trust Him.
love always,
Iz💛💛
Just a couple songs that help me fight the fear:
Not Today- Hillsong United
Fear is a Liar- Zach Williams
What I Know- Tricia Brock
No Longer Slaves- Melissa and John David Helser
Not Afraid- Jesus Culture
So today, I am here to open up about one of my biggest silent battles. You may know about, and you may not, but I just wanna share this part of my story.
When I was 9 years old, I was officially diagnosed with panic disorder/anxiety disorder, whatever you wanna call it. Unknowingly, I had struggled with it on and off for a while, but was somewhat relieved to figure out why I was freaking out all the time. But unfortunately, my nine-year-old self overthought it. So I began to let my anxiety become my identity.
Fast forward almost 8 years, and anxiety is still one of my biggest struggles to this day. Somedays the fear and unknowns of the week or even just that day, grab ahold of me and don't let go. But I saw a post the other day from Joel Nobis...for those of you who may not know who he is, he is a social media influencer/blogger/speaker...and he simply talked about how we know that fear is a liar but we still tend to fall into the trap of it. Joel was talking about being tired. Tired of falling into that trap, tired of feeling discouraged when fear takes the place of faith, and being tired of the junk that comes with anxiety. Well that got my brain rolling. I texted my best friend and told him about it and then decided to discuss it with my mom. I could not stop thinking about it over the next couple of days. It was almost like Jesus purposely left it on my brain so I could ponder exactly what I needed to get from it.
So a few days later, I found myself falling into that trap once again. I was preparing to go to a football game and see my best friend and his family. I hadn't slept much the night before so that didn't help but all of a sudden the fear and anxiety of everything...aka: absolutely nothing...had grabbed me and I wasn't escaping. So like any secret battle, I tried to hide and keep it low key. Until, I could not do anything but just release the emotions and cry. I was so discouraged after recovering from that. Simply because I had fallen into the trap of fear and let it consume me.
I think as young christians, or as students in general, we struggle so much with anxiety over all types of things and we refuse to talk about it because we're afraid of what adults will think or what our friends will think. Well the good news is, I know a lot of adults that struggle just as bad as I do, or worse. Same with my friends.
This post is somewhat all over the place and I apologize for that, but I just wanted to get my thoughts out there and let you know that I am not perfect. This is just one of the many silent battles I fight.
I have days where I wake up instantly consumed by fear and anxiety and it is a struggle to get out of bed. I have days where I physically make myself sick from worrying about things that I can't control. But I also have days that I couldn't be happier with who I am and who I am becoming. Days where I just wanna have a big dance party and celebrate! And the joy of the good days outweighs the hard and fearful ones! I am so thankful for a God who gives peace in an instant. So, if you have days that are hard and you're scared and you just need to cry, do it. But don't forget to rest in the promise that the Father has already numbered your days, mapped out your course, and lavished His love on you.
So, I choose to talk about it. People can't be helped or help you if they don't know. Please, please, please know that I am always here and willing to share and help.
I think I'm done rambling now haha. :) but this is the side of me that a lot of people don't typically see. I try to be happy and smiley, but sometimes people need someone more real and raw than happy and fake.
So thank you for reading my thoughts on anxiety and fear. This probably won't be the last post on it because God constantly shows me how faithful He is and how I can trust Him more and more. As He reveals Himself to me, I'll share that journey with you! He is the great I AM, not the great I was. Trust Him.
love always,
Iz💛💛
Just a couple songs that help me fight the fear:
Not Today- Hillsong United
Fear is a Liar- Zach Williams
What I Know- Tricia Brock
No Longer Slaves- Melissa and John David Helser
Not Afraid- Jesus Culture
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